Pirates

“So, where are you guys headed when you leave?”

A seemingly innocuous question.  But, oh how wrong that is.

At first, I would engage the inquisitor.

“We haven’t decided just yet, but we think maybe the Bahamas or possibly the Gulf Coast of Mexico or maybe even just Florida.”  I figured these are relatively safe places.  Again, I couldn’t be any more wrong.

Bahamas—-
Inquisitor:  “The Bahamas?!?  It’s awful over there.  What are you going to do about pirates?”
Me:  “Pirates?  In the Bahamas?  Are they really a problem over there?”
Inquisitor:  “Yes they are.  And it’s gotten worse since I was there 20 years ago.  Everywhere you go everyone is trying to steal from you.”
Me:  “I’m sure there are possibly places where ‘piracy’ is higher than normal, but I find it hard to believe that it’s a serious problem.”
Inquisitor:  “Sure it is.  Boats are hijacked all the time and the entire crew murdered so the pirates can make a drug run and then ditch the boat.”

Gulf Coast of Mexico—-
Inquisitor:  “Mexico?!?  It’s awful down there.  What are you going to do about pirates?”
Me:  “Pirates?  In Mexico?  Are they really a problem down there?”
Inquisitor:  “Yes they are.  And it’s gotten worse since I was there 20 years ago.  Everywhere you go everyone is trying to steal from you.”
Me:  “I’m sure there are possibly places where ‘piracy’ is higher than normal, but I find it hard to believe that it’s a serious problem.”
Inquisitor:  “Sure it is.  Boats are hijacked all the time and the entire crew murdered so the pirates can make a drug run and then ditch the boat.”

Florida—-
Inquisitor:  “Florida?!?  It’s awful over there.  What are you going to do about pirates?”
Me:  “Pirates?  In Florida?  Are they seriously a problem over there?”
Inquisitor:  “Yes they are.  And it’s gotten worse.  Everywhere you go everyone is trying to steal from you.”
Me:  “I’m sure there are possibly places where ‘piracy’ is higher than normal, but I find it hard to believe that it’s a serious problem.”
Inquisitor:  “Sure it is.  Boats are hijacked all the time and the entire crew murdered so the pirates can make a drug run and then ditch the boat.”

I would answer with “We’ve decided that we aren’t going anywhere pirates are just too awful.  We’re gonna stay right here in the marina.”  But, I’m sure that the pirates are taking over here as well.

I tried answering with simply, “We haven’t decided,” but that just results in the inquisitor randomly rattling off one of the above scenarios.

I think my safest future answer will be, “Wherever the pirates aren’t.”

Natural world
Batteries

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